Stepmotherhood, pt. 2

So...as I said in my last post, the theme in my stepparenting journey thus far has been humility. I really struggled that first year with embracing Sson. Remember that feeling for kids I said I don't have naturally? Yeah...

It was HARD to love Sson. Point blank AND the period. For one, he was an age that I hadn't experienced in 6+ years, he was a boy (which, I don't care what anybody says, is DIFFERENT from experiencing a girl of the same age). And he wasn't mine.

A lot of weight is placed on men who "accept children who are not theirs". I would submit that it's just as hard for a woman if not, harder. Especially for one who's already a mother. Here's my theory:
When a woman gives birth to a child, there's a an innate and unconditional love on both the part of the mother and the child. From the moment the chid is born, it knows: "this is my mothership, my life giver". Even in the case of an adopted mother, the child is taught the same thing. There is one mother. One father. Then, there's everyone else. I am the everyone else. This is where humility comes in. Can you love a child that owes you nothing, with no expectation of reciprocation of any type?

It didn't help that things were still pretty contentious that first year between Hubby and Sson's mother. Each weekend, Sson would come to us reporting spiteful things from the other household ala TMZ. Hubby would be on edge, and the whole atmosphere in our home would be muddy.

I know it sounds like, "U, you're complaining a lot about this little boy", but I'm saying this to show that it is a challenge to be a step-parent, it does not by any means come easily, and YOU are not alone. It's hard. But we have been placed in this position because we can handle it. We CAN love a child that's not our own unconditionally. This is a more profound love than even the love one has for her own flesh because of this fact: you don't have to do it.

To this day, his parent in our home is Hubby. At 6, he still doesn't fully grasp the fact that I too am a parent in the home. And at almost 34 I still haven't fully grasped the fact that I am to be a parent despite the fact that he is not "being my child". I struggle sometimes with doing more than just ensuring everyone's fed, but I'm trying to get better, everyday. Humility is a process...you'll watch my journey unfold as it unfolds!

The goal is to not be this:

 

But something more like this: